As I was going through my day I had an aha moment. You know those moments that catch you unawares with a realization. In the middle of drawing with my 12th year old it dawned on me.

This. What I was doing right now was something I dreamed about doing but couldn’t do for twelve years.

Sit.

Peacefully with no interruptions. To be creative with one of my older children. There were many many days where I wished I could do this and here I was doing it. Aha.

Then not long after that I was watching a video on fermenting food and again. Aha. For twelve years I didn’t have the energy or brain capacity to think about cooking further than the bare basics. When I wished I had the time to experiment in the kitchen. And here I was making up my newest batch of kombucha while learning about fermentation. Wow.

Then later in the day I took a bath, washed my hair while chatting to my teenage daughter when I paused. For how many years had I barely gotten 5min for myself? Had I rushed through a bath before the baby cries? Had I endured a toddler in my bath stepping all over me? Not today.

Today I could do so many of the things I longed for in yesterday. I even drank my tea in peace. It didn’t get cold.

To some of you this makes no sense but to anyone who’s had children I’m sure you get it. And whether this is on your list of things you wish for right now or not it doesn’t matter.

Everyone has a few things they wish for that they don’t have in today.

For me it just meant a lot to stop and consider how much I do have today that I wanted yesterday. Instead of focusing on the list of things I want in tomorrow (like a villa in Portugal, and a Ford Mustang, and a few best sellers) I can find hope and joy in today.

Because just like I can’t imagine having those things today I couldn’t imagine having books published a few years ago. Or drinking my tea in peace.

Aha…

Well I’ve been quiet because I decided that sitting looking at my phone was boring and that I’d take up a new hobby. Normally hobbies are things you like to do but in my case it’s something I would like to like to do.

I have a theory that some personalities are naturally people who like to do things. They are high energy, goal orientated people who like to feel like they accomplished something for the day.

On the other hand there are the thinker types. These people are head in the clouds people who can happily sit, think, feel and observe. They don’t notice the dust on the mantlepiece. A bit like Winnie the Pooh versus Rabbit.

Now when you marry these two types of personalities you are liable to get a few differences in values. A few compromises would be needed. In my case I’m Pooh and I’ve decided that Rabbit needs my help since he is working very hard.

So my new hobby that I’ve been attempting to learn since last week has been cleaning. Today alone I cleaned a mirrowed door, bathroom, and kitchen. Now I’ve done these before but never consistently daily. Rabbit is the one who likes to dust while on a zoom call.

And I have to say I’m running out of things to clean which is kind of fun. And I’m surprised at how clean the house looks without feeling like I cleaned all day… It is becoming a habit. Before I sit down I ask myself what can I clean? Even if it’s one corner of the kitchen..

In the past week I’ve organised everyone’s clothes. Took the winter stuff out and tidied the rest. Today I organised the vitamins and medicines. With labels. Grin.

I know that it will probably never come naturally to me but it can be a good habit that helps my other half and creates a peaceful home environment.

There is something eerily satisfying about a sparkling mirror… I wonder if cleaning can be addictive…

Our lives are constantly changing. We have things today we longed for yesterday. We don’t have things we’ve desired all our lives. There is always a bit of both.

Whenever the voice of discontentment wants to whisper to me I make a list of things I’m grateful for. There is something about seeing all the things you once longed for but now have on paper that ignites joy and contentment.

The truth is that having what you want isn’t the real source of contentment. The real secret is having it without having all your desires fulfilled. Because you can’t wait to be content till you have it all.

If you live in rest contentment would be your permanent friend. So fighting the rot of discontent is something you need to do as soon as you get a sniff of it. One of my ways is not to voice it but instead to make my list. And confess that I trust that Yahweh provides in all my needs.

In this moment I have all that I need.

So here goes my list:

1. I don’t change poo nappies on a daily basis anymore.

2. I don’t have a child who won’t go to sleep without me having to spend the whole night lying with him.

3. I don’t have a tiny little garden like I used to have.

4. I have more great friends than I used to have.

5. My husband doesn’t work for a company anymore.

6. I’ve achieved a lifelong dream to be a published author.

7. I’m part of a new group of people who are everything I’ve ever dreamed church could be. Another lifelong dream realized.

8. I sleep through every single night.

9. I got to take my kids to South Africa for five months with my hubby. Another dream fulfilled.

10. I’m a lot better at preparing meals for my family than I was.

Make your own list and discover how thankfulness helps you to grab hold of contentment once more. It’s not always apparent during all the seasons of our lives why we are in that place. But the goodness of God is something constant you can trust in regardless of circumstances.

Before you came

You were

Loved in Light

Before you knew

Right from wrong

You were forgiven

Before you doubted

The truth

It set you free

Before you believed the lies

You were given the Kingdom

Before you were a slave

You were a son

Before you were hurt

Your healing was bought

Before you could serve

Your reward was set apart

Before everything

You were perfect

Then you came

With a mission

To bring creation back

To before

When you find the door

You become the gate

Bringing light

Into darkness

Manifesting love

Revealing the truth

Before becomes now

We live in a world our forefathers could barely have imagined. With communication at our fingertips. At any moment we can not only hear but see a friends face even if they are on the other side of the world. Amazing right!

But at the same time we live in a world where people seem to have less contact and meaningful relationships than ever before. Superficial is not just a word. Why is that? Have you found your phone ringing off the hook during isolation?

Have you been ringing up all your buddies and chatting away for hours looking at their lovely faces through the screen? Maybe. At least with one or two. Hopefully.

Maybe it’s because we’ve grown up in a society that values busyness above relationships. And somehow in the mix we have believed the thought that everyone is probably too busy to be bothered. Because a ringing phone is a bother. So we send a little text instead. We settle for much less personal interaction.

So I have five children who all want my attention. Yet I don’t feel like a friend ever intrudes if they phone me. I value friendship. It makes me a better mother. Friendship enriches my life.

Which would you prefer. Telling a friend you’ll call them back because you are in the middle of something or them not ringing you in case you are in the middle of something?

Maybe we’ve been duped into thinking it’s time wasting to spend time with a friend when you could be doing something productive. The fact is that friendship nourishes you on the inside which in turn makes you much more productive. A problem shared is a problem halved…

But nothing will change till you pick up the phone and discover how many of your friends find it annoying that you disturbed their busy lives. And don’t forget that you are a gift to others. A gift from Above meant to be shared. Meant to encourage.

I know it feels awkward. I mean two months in isolation and you haven’t rung them and they haven’t rung you. What does it matter? It’s never too late to build your friendship. In fact it’s waiting like a flower dying of thirst for a smile and a ‘How are you.’

This is the latest thing my boys are playing with. The seven-year old will hide in there and come out shouting like a wild raging warrior. I have to admit it looks very appealing to me. If only I could fit in the box. I’d like to steal their sign and put it on my bedroom door.

Ideally before I do that I’d simply go out for a walk alone. Fresh air, space and all that. Except its cold this week and this woman dislikes the cold. That and getting wet. I’m very much a cat person. If I want to sit on the sofa I will with chocolate if possible.

Woman and hormones have always been a controversial topic. I don’t think enough research has gone into what teenage girls’ hormones does to their mothers’. From experience I can say that it is a real factor. Unexplainable but real. Maybe I should learn to breathe through my mouth. I don’t even know how it gets synced.

The bottom line is my irritation level rises faster than the tide and stays high. Sleep eludes me. Sweet things allure me. My temperature is out of whack and binge reading novels seems the only thing worth doing.

Now a pause button and fast forward button would be very handy right now. Or one of those superpowers where you can freeze everyone else. The fights and melodramatic screaming of young boys. The attention seeking young lives that want you to affirm them with your patient loving smile.

This is where parenting gets hard. When you just want to go awol for a week every month. I’m sure if I booked myself into a spa with just my laptop and phone this week of the month every month my family would richly benefit. The other three weeks I could do the job much much better.

It’s a pipedream right. Never going to happen. Hence me staring at their box wishing I could fit inside. I’m going to try and drink my vitamins instead. Hope my hubby brings something home to cheer me up like Earl Grey tea and goats milk. Marvel at the fact that I’ve hung up the washing, did a reading lesson and got a boy to write a whole third of a page.

In contemplating all the perfect versions of myself I’d like to be there are a lot worse versions that I’m not. And everytime I manage to do just a little bit of what I should I’m winning. Thank goodness our worth isn’t equal to our actions. Why we still think that boggles my mind.

You could never change from the outside in anyway. Change comes from inside where you connect to your Creator. There isn’t anything He can’t do. If you have a strong enough partner they can carry your weaknesses. But you have to trust Him. He is on your side and wants to give you rest. No matter how you feel.

My day started with a cup of tea brought to me in bed by my twelve-year-old son. There’s no better way to be woken up in my books. Especially on a Monday morning.

I think Monday blues are real. Back to work and all that. As I slugged my way through the morning hours I tried hard to shrug it off. I climbed into the attic and found the reading book I was looking for in the 7th box I opened.

I didn’t curse the computer for refusing to print the copy work for the boys which wasted fifteen minutes of my life. I also held my tongue when it suddenly spit out ten copies instead of the three I wanted.

I gave a reading lesson to the youngest two boys. Got the older ones through their chores with threats and through more school work than usual for a Monday. Mopped up the cup of tea spilled on the table. Checked my phone a few times.

Finally… finally it was afternoon and game time commenced leaving me free to work on my novel. Before long I was lost in a scene. Bliss. But before I knew it it was four o’clock and time for real work again. Cooking. Dealing with hungry kids before dinner is finished.

I’ve often wished I could have control buttons for myself. Like a focus button. Maybe it’s a woman thing but I find it very hard to focus on one thing. It’s not hard to focus on something that uses your creative energy. It’s hard to focus on the mundane.

Not just focus but also enjoy. I easily find it boring. How do you enjoy the stuff that doesn’t inspire you. How do you not feel like you would rather write your novel than cook dinner. Grin. But at the end of the day I still did what I had to do and that counts for a lot.

Maybe it’s okay to not always enjoy and feel like the mundane. Probably harder for us creative types who every now and then would like to turn the house upside down like in the Mary Poppins film.

If we focus on why we do what we do even in the mundane it makes it worth it. I have a happy well fed family tonight. I’ve written a whole scene. My house is tidyish. It was a good Monday.

It starts out as nothing much

Just a dried twig or two

Patiently she searches

For the right ingredients

A bit of soft fluff

Is a treasure found

Till finally it is ready

She trusts it with her eggs

Her most valuable possessions

Her hard work all worth it

All the little unimportant things

Together builds a home

It matters

It’s four minutes past the double zero digits… Earliest I’ve been up in awhile. No seriously my friends’ kids get up at six a.m. I can’t even imagine the pain of waking up that early. I was born a night owl. My theory is you are either the one or the other.

This morning started off bad. I had set my alarm for our first family zoom call spanning from New Zealand to South Africa to Britain. But when I was hazily putting my phone on one minute before the zoom call starts I received lots of notifications.

I had gotten the time wrong. Meeting over. Without us. Minor detail that SA and Britian also differ in time got lost in translation. Lucky for me my family made another call because they wanted to chat to us too. Even though the NZ bunch needed to go to bed. I needed to wake up so I got coffee. Half of our bunch (the night owls) surfaced long after the meeting ended.

I’ve been slowly, very slowly starting to write my next novel. The painful process of giving birth to the previous one seems to have put a slight damper on my enthusiasm for the next one. Or maybe I’ve learned patience. I hope the latter. A book doesn’t get made in a day. At the moment it takes me two years. Two years people.

Part of me hopes it will get easier as I gain experience. And in some ways it is easier but in other ways not. I love the creative moments when the story plays on my imagination like a movie screen and I’m just as clueless about what comes next as everybody else.

For instance my characters were running away from the bad guys and the next moment they went downstairs into this hacker friends’ secret room. I didn’t even know he existed! What I don’t like is fact finding. What month is it. What is the weather like. What us the time difference if they go from A to B.

I don’t know if all authors do this but I like sticking to real facts in between my imaginary characters and storyline. Today I was bored and eventually started working on the facts. Decided the date for the story. Got the weather. Etc etc.. Then I started writing a scene and before getting very far my other half said I needed to stop. I said: “but I haven’t been writing long?!”

“You’ve been working for two hours.” Total unbelief on my face.

Now I know how my nine year old feels when I tell him he has to stop gaming. It’s been two hours. He’s always says it’s too short. Ha ha ha. I feel like that about writing. But it’s not my full-time job. Taking care of my family is. So I swallowed the grumble and put the kids through the bath.

Time to sleep now for this night owl. If I didn’t need sleep I could write all night.. Imagine that.