Connecting.

The house is quiet except for the sound of the kitchen clock. I had to wonder for a moment where the clock sound came from. Never realised it made a sound.

Today was mostly rainy. So I baked seedbased rusks. Learned that you can replace Xanthan gum with flaxseed or Chia seed. I had both of the latter two so I could choose. The rusks almost burned because I was giving a reading lesson and smelled them before remembering them.

I finished chapter two in my new book on parenting. Let me just look up the title. Aha. Calm parents. Happy kids. By Dr Laura Markham. I forget small things like names and titles. I’m hoping that I’ll remember the important tips inside the book because she makes a few good arguments. I’ve been highlighting whole paragraphs.

The first chapter was on emotional maturity and what to do when you get angry. I’ve been working on that and when I lost it with someone today I managed to keep quiet. I did give a stare… but I walked away, cooled down (to like-warm) before having a conversation about the issue.

Chapter two was about connection. So typical me fashion I decided to apply a few of the tips on connection on the same day that I read them. No time like the present.

Just to note that the Doctor had two children and I have five. So the challenge to apply what she suggests is multiplied a bit.

Like this wonderful idea – 15 min. special time with each child per day. Which is actually an idea I had beginning of the year which we did once. If you multiply 15 times 5 you get one hour and fifteen minutes. Which is exactly how long our whole evening is from where they go to bed till we go to bed.Nevermind the length of our program on Amazon.

But actually special time isn’t bedtime routine of cuddles and chat before they go to bed. It’s where they get to do something they want with you. You take turns. Child chooses and you choose. But it has to be about connecting not an extra reading lesson. Ha ha ha.

If there is one thing I’ve learned from parenting it’s that you can never do things by the book. Maybe if you had fewer kids… But not when you’re outnumbered. So you begin by simply choosing your desire. I want to make connection with the people in my life priority. And start looking for opportunities.

For me today it meant massaging the one boys neck while he did a math lesson. It meant blowing bubbles on the youngest stomach instead of just dressing him. It meant helping the one set up something online they’ve been asking for for awhile. It was printing stamps and sticking them on envelopes. Stopping in to chat to the hard working teenager. I couldn’t time it or plan it.

But because I had turned my desire towards connection it was happening.

It even spilled over to other people in my life. Because I was thinking of connection. Choosing it.

That doesn’t mean that by 9:30 when I was still listening to a child babbling it felt like I could time out.

Lately bedtime had become a quick kiss downstairs and up you go without even going to their room. So to go back to being upstairs was so not what I felt like. But as the youngest showed me his car on his shelf I saw the magic of connection happening. This meant more than any relaxing time I could spend in front of the TV.

It’s strange how you can be with others all day long or know them all your life but not connect isn’t it? Connection will only happen if you purposefully pursue it. Desire it. Learn about it. After all is said and done our lives are all about connection. It’s worth pursuing no matter how hard it is. It’s never too late to begin either. Just begin desiring it.