This is the latest thing my boys are playing with. The seven-year old will hide in there and come out shouting like a wild raging warrior. I have to admit it looks very appealing to me. If only I could fit in the box. I’d like to steal their sign and put it on my bedroom door.

Ideally before I do that I’d simply go out for a walk alone. Fresh air, space and all that. Except its cold this week and this woman dislikes the cold. That and getting wet. I’m very much a cat person. If I want to sit on the sofa I will with chocolate if possible.

Woman and hormones have always been a controversial topic. I don’t think enough research has gone into what teenage girls’ hormones does to their mothers’. From experience I can say that it is a real factor. Unexplainable but real. Maybe I should learn to breathe through my mouth. I don’t even know how it gets synced.

The bottom line is my irritation level rises faster than the tide and stays high. Sleep eludes me. Sweet things allure me. My temperature is out of whack and binge reading novels seems the only thing worth doing.

Now a pause button and fast forward button would be very handy right now. Or one of those superpowers where you can freeze everyone else. The fights and melodramatic screaming of young boys. The attention seeking young lives that want you to affirm them with your patient loving smile.

This is where parenting gets hard. When you just want to go awol for a week every month. I’m sure if I booked myself into a spa with just my laptop and phone this week of the month every month my family would richly benefit. The other three weeks I could do the job much much better.

It’s a pipedream right. Never going to happen. Hence me staring at their box wishing I could fit inside. I’m going to try and drink my vitamins instead. Hope my hubby brings something home to cheer me up like Earl Grey tea and goats milk. Marvel at the fact that I’ve hung up the washing, did a reading lesson and got a boy to write a whole third of a page.

In contemplating all the perfect versions of myself I’d like to be there are a lot worse versions that I’m not. And everytime I manage to do just a little bit of what I should I’m winning. Thank goodness our worth isn’t equal to our actions. Why we still think that boggles my mind.

You could never change from the outside in anyway. Change comes from inside where you connect to your Creator. There isn’t anything He can’t do. If you have a strong enough partner they can carry your weaknesses. But you have to trust Him. He is on your side and wants to give you rest. No matter how you feel.